Going up yonder, to be with my Lord

In the name of God I write,

"If you wanna know/where I am going/where I am going soon/I'm going up yonder to be with my Lord...."

The lil. princess was sitting anxiously in the first pew of the Queen's church waiting for the choir to sing the second verse of her grandmothers favorite song, "Going Up Yonder." She was so consumed with the majesty of the soloist singing that she didn't see the signs God was showing her. She didn't understand why this song moved her grandmother to tears as she watched the her grandmother rocking back and forth in her seat. She felt a different kind of energy from the Queen after church this particular Sunday, and she wouldn't know what events lay ahead later on that week until time permitted her to. Her mother, the Princess was making minimal changes in her life, but still seemed unstable in her decisions. The Princess had a plan and she was now ready to implement it even though The Queen intuitively knew she could not change what must take place for her grandbabies. The twins were none the wiser at these future events that would change the course and direction of their destiny, but the 'lil princess, like The Queen, had that same peculiar feeling.

One thing the 'lil princess did have though, was her newly found power, her gift that was given to her by The Queen. She had the power of Prayer, a power that would restore all that she thought she was about to loose. And, although she didn't fully realize why she needed this power or when she would use it, time and circumstance would allow her to bring it into reality.

As times were changing so fast and the hour was growing close for another transistion in their family, The Queen who had appeared so healthy was now sick and had been so for a long time. The Queen could no longer hide from her family how ill she was, and she could no longer deny the toll that stress and worry for her family had taken on her ailing body. She hid her pain well with smiles and stoic looks, but inside she wished she could shout to the mountain tops that, "I am going and I will be going soon." The only time she felt free of her secret burden was when the church choir belted out the verse to her song "Going Up Yonder." She knew God was calling her home, and wanted so desperately to make her affairs right before her departure. God had given her so many signs that it would soon be time for her to leave this earthly place that she could not keep the weight of this burden silent anymore. Her body would not allow her to, nor would her mind.

The Princess found a new avenue to escape instability, and she wanted to finally do right by her children. The Princess made it up in her mind that she no longer wanted to run the streets and make a dollar out of fifteen cents, so she settled for an unhealthy relationship with a man that she really did not love. However, she knew he loved her and would do anything to take care of her and her children, so she submitted to their arrangement. The arrangement meant that she would stay at home and he would work. She would get back her children and he would provide for her and her twins. This arrangement meant that their would be an absence of the greatest force that keeps families together and that was love, attention and most importantly God. God was not at the root of this union, nor would he be at the root of their family.

And unbeknowest to them, the twins had no other choice than to move with their mother and new stepfather who was not a father, biological, legal or otherwise. They were too young to understand the details concerning this new move. All they knew was their mother could finally be in their life and there was a man that could potentially fill the void of the Prince's absence. The 'lil princess daydreamed about her new life on the other side of town and often envisioned herself living like the children on television who seemed to have everything. Even though she did not know this man or his background, she trusted her mother's decision.

So they moved into their new 3-bedroom apartment and it was quite different from what they had been use too. Their stepfather made sure that the princess wanted for nothing. He cooked, cleaned and gave the twins what little bit of affection that he could, being that he didn't know them or the father that had abandoned them. He showered The Princess with gifts and provided a somewhat good life for her. This was much better then the life she had struggling on her own, so she thought.

They were all settled into their new home and the twins were adjusting to their new school. The Princess was happy at last. But something tragic was about to change her happiness. The princess had gotten word that The Queen had become seriously ill and had to be rushed to the hospital. The Princess' younger brother came to their new home and told them the bad news. He informed The Princess that their mother was dying and that she should allow the twins to see her if these were her final moments. The Princess was heart broken, but was adamant about not letting the twins go and see their grandmother in that state. However, her brother begged her to, and she reluctantly yielded to his request.

He told the twins to get ready and rushed them to the hospital to see their ill-stricken grandmother. They arrived at the hospital that afternoon, and their uncle informed them that they had to take turns to go and see her. The 'lil prince went first and came back to the waiting room just as fast as he left. He looked solemnly at his sister, knowing what she would see when it was her turn. Finally, it was the 'lil princess' turn. She slowly walked into her grandmother's hospital room, not knowing what to expect. She saw her grandmother The Queen, her Queen, looking helpless, attached to all those tubes. Where was the shining look that graced her countenance? She only saw a pale version of the woman she loved so dearly. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she talk? Why did she appear so weak? The 'lil princess gently stroked the back of her grandmother's hand.

She now had to be strong for her source of strength; she had to have a quality that she didn't even know she possessed...and that was faith. But what was faith to a child? What did this faith look like, and what did it mean for her life. As she continued to watch her grandmother fade away, she knew deep inside that her life would soon be over. She knew that her grandmother would make a transition that would spiral her family out of control.

Her visit was over and this would be the last time she would see her grandmother alive. The 'lil princess walked out of the room saddened by what she knew was inevitable, and could not bear being alone in this world without her grandmother. The 'lil princess didn't want to be subjected to her mother's neglect and emotional abandonment without anyone to rescue her from it. She was safe with her grandmother, but if she died, who would be her hero?

more next time, God willing....
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